Abused.
Physically & mentally. Maybe I could've understood if he hit me for the right reasons. I want to believe in violence. I really want to. Up to this day, but I just couldn't. What did I do wrong at such young age that I deserved to be punched, kicked, slapped, for things I don't understand? Wasn't I supposed to be taught the right - non violent way? I wish I could've done something about it. I wish people around me would understand better. I wish I could've gotten help for myself. I wish that people would not say "he did that, because he loves you. He's your brother and he only cares for you". He didn't even care about me. Sometimes he hit me for fun.
I have friends that have a loving family, that doesn't opt for violence. Are you saying that's not love?
For some people, this is not even a big deal. Its almost as a natural thing to do. I wish I didn't even have to deal with it. I wish it just stopped there when he moved out from the house. What he did to me all those years, left me a dark mark, I am deeply scarred for life. I tried living my life trying to understand - if what he did really for love, why he never asked me if I'm doing fine when he was away? Why he always mad at me? Why was he always screaming every time we talk?
Years passed, I screwed up big time in my life - so many times. I never knew what was the darkness I had. I never got the right help. I never got to let go of the demons inside me. Everything I did, nothing made anyone proud, let alone love me for who I am.
Heck, I wasn't even close to any of my family. Not even my mom - because I was never enough for her. I was pretty much alone for all my life. Well, I had best friends who did understand me but I was too comfortable of being on my own.
I liked hiding in my room, inside the darkness because I knew that was the only place I belong.
